


Selfish

by tattooed324b21



Category: Girl Meets World
Genre: Alcohol, Drug Use, F/F, F/M, Fluff and Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-16
Updated: 2016-09-16
Packaged: 2018-06-06 20:22:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,291
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6768619
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tattooed324b21/pseuds/tattooed324b21
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>And always more sunflowers</p>
            </blockquote>





	Selfish

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [gardens](https://archiveofourown.org/works/5616541) by [khalasaar](https://archiveofourown.org/users/khalasaar/pseuds/khalasaar). 



High school is much, much bigger than middle school. Riley finds herself admired by more boys than she couldv'e ever dreamed of. Each of them hopeful that they would finally get a yes from her, none with luck. Each boy tries harder than the last. Dresses nicer, more roses, more charm. But it never works. Maya watches each time, at first with hateful stares, but by the 5th guy Riley rejects at the end of their date, Maya is smirking. She considers making gift baskets to console each boy that fails, but Riley convinces her that it would be more like a cruel ending to a gameshow. Riley lets them down easy every time, not wanting to gain the title of heartbreaker. And Maya grins throughtout the entire thing. "There was just no spark." "It didn't feel right." "He's just not meant for me." Maya loved every word. At first, she feared these boys, coming after Riley like some sort of prize that she so desperately wanted, but feared going after. They were her competion, even though she was afraid to compete. But Riley continued to reject, and Maya's heart grew lighter and lighter each time. Maya knew their mistakes. Wrong movie snacks, not enough conversation, but one that Maya thought was the most fatal, was that each boy would present Riley with a dozen roses. Roses brought thorns, and that's why Riley prefered sunflowers. No boy gets past a single date with Riley and after awhile Maya stops scouting her competition. Sure, some of them would come to her for advice and she had told each one to be themselves, but her hope never faltered. She stops wondering if this guy has a better chance than her because of his darker hair, compaired to Maya's golden locks, or his gem green eyes, compared to her plain blue ones. But what she doesn't ever, ever do is tell anyone Riley prefers sunflowers. She feels like it's her only advantage.

Lucas gets a second date. Maya is surprised when Riley comes home with a grin on her face and skips to her bedroom, instead of her usual: sighing with a small smirk on her lips, ready to tell Maya how bad she feels about letting yet another one down. But she sits down and listen to Riley talk abot how amazing the date was, and ignores the small cracks that form in her heart each times Riley's eyes sparkle when she says his name. And at the end Riley falls back onto her pillows, grinning at the ceiling. "I don't know, Maya. This time might be different." And the small cracks turn into large ones.

That night Maya has a dream. She's in a field os sunflowers, and Riley is on top of her, kissing her. Maya holds on desperately, never wanting the moment to end, but she pulls away when she feels something stabbing at her arms. She looks around. Theyr'e now in a field of roses. RIley quickly gets off of her and before Maya understands what's happening, she's is skipping off with Lucas, and Maya is enveloped in thorns.

 

She wakes up with a scream. She wants to call Riley, but this feels like something she has to keep secret, so she distracts herself with television untill she's able to fall asleep again. The dream repeats itself, only this time, the thorns hurt even more.

This time is different. Lucas gets his second date, then third, then fourth. And each time Riley comes home with a smile on her face, Maya's heart breaks more and more. After RIiley tells her about each Lucas date, she goes home and wonders in the pain in her chest could possibly get any worse. And when Riley tells her they've scheduled another date, she learns it can. And when on the fifth, Riley comes home smiling at the roses in her hands, Maya thinks sunflowers just aren't enough anymore. 

Maya has nightmares almost every night now, and she's knows it's unhealthy and needs to stop, but she has no idea how to stop loving Riley.

So, they grow apart. It starts small. Every other day, Maya doesn't pick Riley up from her apartment before school. She feels guilty the first few times, especially when Riley questions her absence, but she continuosly reminds hersef this is all for the best. Then they don't go home together. Maya making up small excuses like she's just too tired right now. and spinning on her heels so fast Riley doesn't have time to ask any more questions. The sleepovers stop, and then, they are reduced to small talk in passing moments in the hall. Maya wishes it could be different, but this is the only way she will survive. They still see each other every day, but they don't speak near as often. Lucas chooses Riley, or course, and Farkle chooses Maya to be fair. Farkle knows why she stopped hanging out with Riley, even though he never asks. Sometimes when Maya cries at night, she calls Farkle over, and he holds her until she falls asleep. He never makes her talk about it. She misses him when he transfers to Einstien, even though they still see each other. She desperately wishes Riley had never even met Lucas, but she knows thoughts like that are selfish, and she doesn't want to be selfish. Maya starts to hang out with older kids. She smokes pot for the first time at a college party, where she's the youngest by 3 years. No one thinks of her that young though, and some guy does body shot off of her. That night she sees the world in bright colors. It reminds her of how she used to see the world when Riley was around her. She decides she like marijuana, and soon Maya doesn't go a day without getting high. She gets drunk for the first time hanging out with her friends at their house. They play truth or dare, and Maya loses her virginity to a girl that night. It's much better than she couldv'e imagined with a boy, but she knows she wouldv'e enjoyed it much more if it had been Riley below her. But she keeps it up with the girl. Maya gets bored of her soon, then looks for another. Then another. She always finds herself with brunettes who had innocent smiles, but she soon grows to resent those types of girls, and started going after ones with odd colored hair and piercings. And through all of these girls, Maya not once has an actual romantic relationship. Her grades slip, but she passes on to be a sophmore next year. No one is sure how. Maya's shorts get shorter and shorter, and her tops get tighter and tighter. And sure, guys stare at her like a piece of meat, but Maya makes it very clear she's strictly into girls by making out with them against lockers, not caring who's watching. Cory doesn't bother keeping her after class and talking to her anymore. He knows she isn't listening anymore. 

******

Riley so desperately wants her friend back. She lives for the moments they see each other in the hall. Riley tries inviting her over countless times, but Maya always has somewhere else to be. Riley knows she's lying, but doesnt want to call her out on it. She cries to her mother, and Topanga just strokes her hair and tries her best to calm her. Topanga knows why this hurts her daughter so much, but she leaves it to Riley to figure it out

Riley's grades are perfect. Her posture never faltures, and as everyone would suspect, she doesn't ever uncross her hands. She gets a job at a grocery store. It isn't glamorous, but she loves knowing she's bringing home her own money. Every other week, Riley gives 50 bucks to Katy and tells her to give it to Maya, but to tell her it's allowance. Katy does as she's told, knowing it's Maya who shut Riley out, and wishing she could do more to help the poor, heartbroken girl. 

Riley continues to see Lucas. On their one year aniversary, he gives he a necklace with and 'R' on it. She smiles and thanks him, pretending it's the best thing in the world, but that night she cries over her friendship ring from Maya, twisting it on her finger until it burns her skin.

She thinks it's perfectly normal. Just her mind trying to fill a void. She misses Maya so much, she starts seeing her face over Lucas'. The first time it happens, she kisses Lucas on the spot. He kisses back, and Riley imagines it's Maya's hand on her waist, and it's better than any of her normal Lucas kisses. The secon time it happens, they're studying in Riley's room, and once again she kisses him imediately. He doesn't hesitate. Auggie is spending the night with Dewey and Cory and Topanga are out on a date. He lays her down and slips his hand under her top, but when Riley isn't able to ignore the difference between Lucas' hands and Maya's much softer touch, she stops them before it can go any further. The third time it happens though, RIley is desperate to forget that it's Maya she wishes was touching her. Once again, no one is home, and this time when Lucas puts his hands underneath her shirt, she doesn't stop him. 

They don't go all the way that night. Riley is desperate to, but Lucas fears her mind isn't in the right place right now. He's a good guy. He's always been. When he leaves through her window, she sobs and sobs, desperately wishing she knew what she did to lose her best friend.

Two weeks later, Riley and Lucas attend the prom together. Lucas gets a hotel for the night, and this time, Lucas thinks Riley truly is ready. The next morning RIiley looks and herslf in the mirror, and wishes it had been Maya who left all of these loving marks all over her. But she slips back into bed and pretends to be waking up as Lucas is.

RIley and Lucas break up a week before summer break. "I need to be alone for awhile." She tells him. He nods understandlingy and hugs her. He then tips an imaginary hat at her, and walks away. Riley wishes they couldve worked out, that she couldve convinced herself to love him, but she doesn't want to waste anymore of his time. She knows, she's always known. She prefers sunflowers. 

She wants to talk to someone about it, but she realizes she's alone.

Word quicky spreads around the school, and the next time Maya and Riley have their polite small talk, the same day she breaks it off with Lucas, Maya asks her about it. "Are you okay?" She says carefully. Before she responds, Riley scans Maya's hands. She wants to know if there's still hope. Sure enough, their friendship ring is sitting on Mayas left ring finger. Her smile is unitentional, but she can't stop it. Riley nods, clears her throat and looks right into Maya's eyes, hoping she will recieve the message she's about to send. "He just wasn't right for me." Riley says, and the hidden message behind these words are 'It isn't him, it isn't anyone but you.' Maya nods understandingly, and does something they haven't done in a long time. Maya hugs her. Riley wraps her arms around Maya and doesn't let go. The entire thing ends all too quickly, and Riley is standing in front of her locker, alone.

Maya dissapears. Riley would usually see Maya in Chemistry class, even if they didn't speak, but Maya isn't there on Monday. Or Tuesday. Or Wenesday. By Thursday, Riley dreads walking into the class, in fear Maya won't be there, and she will never see her again. She closes her eyes, steps in, and opens them. Maya isn't there. On Friday, Riley decides if Maya isn't there, she needs to talk to someone. They may not talk as much, but Riley still cares as much, if not more than before. So when Maya isn't in her seat on Friday, Riley cries in class. Riley cries through each class and none of her teachers make her do any work. And at the end of the day, Riley spins on her heels and leaves the school. She runs down the street and around corners, until she reaches her building. Bolting up stairs and into her home, ready to unleash the seemingly never ending stream of tears onto her pillow.

The first thing she sees is Maya. Sitting cross legged in the center of her lving room, with a grin on her face. Riley looks into her eyes and sees pure joy, and she's not sure if it's Maya's or a reflection of her own. The second thing she notices is the flowers. Dozens and dozens of sunflowers, all over Riley' living room, each one bright and tall. They cover the chairs and tables, and RIey laughs through her tear of happiness at the sight. Maya stands up, takes three long steps towards Riley, and kisses her with everything she has. She kisses her so passionately tears start to fall from her own eyes. And Riley kisses her back with just as much love. When they can't breathe anymore, they reluctantly pull apart, still clining onto each other, tears falling between them, but they're both laughing. And when Riley looks into Maya's eyes she can't stop herself from kissing her again. "It was always you." Riley mumbles against her lips inbetween kisses. Maya just nods and pulls her closer.

It was always sunflowers.

**Author's Note:**

> Really this work is nothing compared to the one it's based on and if somehow you haven't, read hers.


End file.
